henceforth

I'm thankful that I have broken up with Sophia. Much has been learnt from the incident and now, thinking back, it all seemed like I was the one who didn't actually grow up at that point in time. This is heartfelt, not sour grapes.

The process of growing up, the process of crash and experiencing different kinds of things that you least expect it, makes you a much stronger and sensible person. Bullshit, yes, but unless you went through that period of hell, you'll never know what I mean.

Ever since that incident, I've realised friends play a very important role in our lives and without them, this life is just meaningless. The ones who will eventually be there, apart from your parents, are your friends. I was blinded, well I was, by love, lust, whatever you call it. There was never balance between my lover and my friends, it was always the lover dominating, and I got further away from my friends.

Days passed like years then as I was trying to get myself back. During then, I made new friends, I lost some friends. I was expecting a change in myself again, another major change, some friends just could't take it and left. Its sad but I guess you can't expect everyone to accept any kind of change in you all of a sudden, so, you gain some, you lose some. The funny thing is, I feel that they do not actually know what I was feeling back then. The feeling of Losing someone that was once so important to you. Its hard to convey this form of rage as well as pain.

I also feel there is not much point making too many friends, I'll leave that to another time.

At this point of time, what I'm feeling is blue. This colour never changes, and I'm so used to taking blames I just take them, its so easy. It makes everyone happy as well. Its hard to defeat one's purpose of blaming you for something when they just want to escape from it. Is it so difficult to just take blame? Try it for once will you?

I'd rather make everyone happy than be happy myself.